Phil predicts six more weeks of existential dread

I, too, have classified documents

Purple nurlpes and other concessions Kevin McCarthy offered

New film claims The Grinch was a patsy

Five-year-old finds Dr. Seuss book bland, derivative

Texas woman scams free trip from Ron DeSantis

Taco, Murray Head among 80s stars lobbying to be in “Stranger Things”

FBI raids Mike Pence summer home

Fans, reviewers slag Animal’s new pop record

Senate passes erection tax

Breakfast Club, other 80s reboots coming soon

10-year-old still looking for Easter egg

They did what?

You, too, could be a murderous dictator

Donald Trump reveals perfect NCAA bracket

Nobody at Oscars saw Will Smith slap Chris Rock

Unused question from the KBJ hearings

Faygo pulls out of Russia

Children’s author irked his book isn’t banned

Rep. Whatshisname can’t remember that thing

Skittles now have personalities

Pope encourages more ‘bunga bunga’

Overlooked stories of 2021

Labor shortage throws Santa’s ride into doubt

Rampaging turkeys captured, spree ends

Man thinks “Let’s go, Brandon” is for him

Florida school thinks vaccinated students are icky

Man can’t understand why the actor from “TJ Hooker” going into space was a big deal

Llama revolt shuts down MMW News

Wyoming school may change ass-related mascot

Citizen's arrest! Flood of legislation inspired by Texas abortion law

Superstars stop flushing the toilet

Cyber Ninja’s audit: Al Gore won in 2000

46-year-old preps for 2024 Olympics

New 97-team super conference forms

QAnon followers believe Olympics already happened

Guest Editorial: Why I love the filibuster, by Sen. Joe Manchin

Just Headlines

Four-thirds of Americans struggle with fractions

Ohio legislator misses key vote for lack of ID

Space X hampered by movie cliches

Cicadas: “You people suck. We’re going back under.”

“How many Toby Keith songs can you sing?” and other questions Georgia election officials can ask

Wisconsin tow truck driver vows to help stuck ship

Researcher exploring the link between diabetes and racism

Kansas stunner: School has football program

Ted Cruz vows to restore Mr. Potato Head’s penis

A history of fleeing

Steve King hopes to advise Marjorie Taylor Greene on what to do with her spare time

Wally snubbed my MLB Hall of Fame