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You, too, could be a murderous dictator

Earlier this week, a Tennessee state senator provided a motivating example for those experiencing homelessness: Adolph Hitler.

During a debate about a bill that would criminalize living in a tent on public ground, Sen. Frank Niceley, a Republican who claims to be from Strawberry Plains but sources say was engineered in a lab to make Tennessee look bad, noted that while the future leader of the Third Reich spent a couple years living on the streets he “practiced his oratory, and his body language, and how to connect with citizens and then went on to lead a life that got him in the history books,” Niceley said.

According to the Washington Post, Niceley has used his time on the floor of the Legislature to claim that President Obama was born in Kenya, that carbon dioxide is “not a pollutant” and to recount a story in which his grandson asked who won the American Civil War to which Niceley replied, “It’s too early to tell.”

MMW News Service’s research staff found other examples of people overcoming the odds to live remarkable lives.

Jeffrey Dahmer

Has a dysfunctional family led you to alcoholism and a failed military career? Fear not, you’re on the path of Jeffrey Dahmer who became a noted preservationist and foodie.

Bernie Madoff

The son of a plumber and a law school dropout, Madoff used his intellect to make friends in grade school, often promising fellow students in the lunch line, “I’ll get you two milks tomorrow but I need your milk today.” Before being featured in a TV miniseries, he went on to found Madoff Investment Securities which helped people shed excess cash.

OJ Simpson

Poverty and adolescent run-ins with the law did not hold back OJ Simpson from becoming a Heisman Trophy winner and one of the greatest running backs in NFL history. Later, he was the subject of an Oscar-award winning documentary, some of which was about football.

Dr. Mehmet Oz

Oz overcame a hardscrabble beginning as the son of Turkish immigrants to become a television personality and an adviser to President Trump. Oz also faced vicious, hateful attacks, like, “Doctor, I don’t think your claims are based on medical science,” and “Ivermectin doesn’t work” but through it all he remains cheerful and always quick to remind people “You should try intermittent fasting.”

David Koresh

Dyslexia and a teenage mother didn’t stop David Koresh from becoming a religious leader and, briefly, the star of an early reality television series.

Frank Niceley

Are you a booger-eating moron? Don’t worry, Frank Niceley proves you can still become an elected official.

Editor’s note: Nearly everything in this story is true. We apologize.



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