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Just Headlines

Here are headlines to stories we assigned to our intern, Chuck, prior to us sending him to cover that séance. If you see him, tell him he’s way past deadline:

Omaha man mistakes “day trading” for “day drinking”.

Marjorie Taylor-Greene makes another Holocaust reference after soccer team forces her son to wear a number on his uniform.

Matt Gaetz ex-girlfriend makes varsity softball team.

Tennessee Legislature reverses its ban on teaching critical race theory after being told it’s “something to do with NASCAR.”

Des Moines man disappointed to learn taxidermist won’t take Bitcoin.

Aging velvet artist thinks young people don’t respect the craft.

St. Louis woman teaches squirrels to yodel.

Peloponnesian War reenactors’ guild disbands.

Chicago woman tired of husband’s “I’ll be the gum, you be the bottom of a desk” sexual role play.

Mitch McConnell scolds reporter, “You never talk about all those times President Trump didn’t incite a mob to overthrow the government!”

Billy Ray Cyrus snubbed again by Rock n Roll Hall of Fame, urges fans not to tell his heart.

Cyber Ninjas uncover evidence that Rutherford B Hayes did not win the 1876 presidential election.

Family vacation ruined by resort’s proximity to strip club.

Tampa man ponders how many rusted El Caminos are too many?

Toilet humor disliked because most toilets aren’t that funny.



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