

Fans, reviewers slag Animal’s new pop record
Reaction was as swift as it was negative to Friday’s surprise release of a new record from Animal, former drummer of pioneering rock band...
Jul 26, 2022


Senate passes erection tax
Washington DC—In a surprise move Thursday, senators passed a tax on erections by a narrow margin. The measure now goes to the House. The...
Jul 8, 2022


Breakfast Club, other 80s reboots coming soon
After the success of “Top Gun: Maverick” Paramount announced Monday that it would reboot many other 1980s hits, including: Breakfast Club...
Jun 10, 2022


10-year-old still looking for Easter egg
Wichita, KS—A month after Caden Moore’s parents hid a dozen colored eggs around their two-story Wichita home for Easter, he is still on...
May 18, 2022


They did what?
A recent ABC News/Washington Post poll, conducted in states which have enacted strict abortion laws since 2020, found that 44 percent of...
May 4, 2022


You, too, could be a murderous dictator
Earlier this week, a Tennessee state senator provided a motivating example for those experiencing homelessness: Adolph Hitler. During a...
Apr 22, 2022


Donald Trump reveals perfect NCAA bracket
The Free State of Mar-A-Lago—At a press conference Tuesday morning, former President Donald Trump claimed to have filled out a perfect...
Apr 5, 2022


Nobody at Oscars saw Will Smith slap Chris Rock
By Becca Grace Winthrop, MMW Hollywood correspondent LOS ANGELES—The entertainment world was set on its ear Sunday night when during the...
Mar 28, 2022


Unused question from the KBJ hearings
WASHINGTON DC—On the final day of Supreme Court hearings for Judge Kentaji Brown Jackson, a MMW News Service reporter, posing as a...
Mar 27, 2022


Faygo pulls out of Russia
The list of corporations ceasing operations in Russia grew Friday afternoon when Faygo announced it would no longer distribute its...
Mar 12, 2022


Children’s author irked his book isn’t banned
St. Charles, Mo.—Nick Cameron’s debut book has sold reasonably well the past year though it hasn’t been a huge success. The children’s...
Feb 22, 2022


Rep. Whatshisname can’t remember that thing
Attorneys for embattled Congressman Jeff Fortenberry of Nebraska introduced a novel defense Friday in Fortenberry’s ongoing legal woes...
Feb 7, 2022


Skittles now have personalities
Wrigley announced Friday that its iconic brand of round candies, Skittles, will now have unique personalities. In an effort to keep up...
Feb 4, 2022


Pope encourages more ‘bunga bunga’
VATICAN—A day after calling childless couples selfish, Pope Francis encouraged married couples to have sex in order to become parents....
Jan 7, 2022


Overlooked stories of 2021
It’s that time of year (end) again when all media outlets publish their “best of…” lists. But instead of looking back at a bunch of stuff...
Dec 30, 2021


Labor shortage throws Santa’s ride into doubt
North Pole—Santa Claus announced Thursday that he can no longer guarantee children’s presents will arrive on Christmas Day amid an...
Dec 24, 2021


Rampaging turkeys captured, spree ends
Manchester, NH—A pair of extremely wild turkeys, recently pardoned by President Joe Biden, were captured Tuesday morning, ending a...
Dec 1, 2021


Man thinks “Let’s go, Brandon” is for him
Garden City, Kan.—Brandon Lynn has had a little extra pep in his step the past few days. Ever since the 35-year-old learned of a...
Nov 5, 2021


Florida school thinks vaccinated students are icky
MIAMI—Centner Academy, a private elementary school in Miami, made national news this week when it announced that any student who gets...
Oct 22, 2021


Man can’t understand why the actor from “TJ Hooker” going into space was a big deal
Rural Texas—Craig Anderson just doesn’t get it. Anderson, 52, ascended into space Wednesday on board Jeff Bezos’ Blue Origin along with...
Oct 14, 2021