A rose by any other name…but what about any other color? Did you get a rose this Valentine’s Day and are unsure what it means? We all know red roses are sent to a lover, but what do other colors connote? This helpful guide will answer all your questions:
Yellow – Friendship
“You are such a dear friend. I feel very close to you; closer than I do with my spouse. Actually it’s the deepest, most fulfilling relationship I’ve ever had. But of course we shouldn’t…I mean, I’ve thought about it, a lot. Not too much. It’s not like I think about you when I’m having sex with my spouse…Look, I don’t want to ruin what we have and I’m sure you don’t either, but if you were thinking the same thing I’d be over at your house in a heartbeat. Of course I’m kidding, dear, sweet friend. I would never suggest we sleep together…unless you were into that.”
Orange – Enthusiasm and Passion
“Your enthusiasm and passion know no bounds. Like at work when we had to rewrite the macros in our spreadsheet and you shouted, ‘Let’s do this bitch!’ or the time we were all complaining about the new printer and you shot it with the gun we didn’t know you’d hidden under your desk. And who can forget our team-building day at the zoo when you head-butted that kangaroo who you thought was smirking.”
“Some say you are dangerous and frequently over the top but I’ve always admired you. Not enough to be a friend or lover, but, you know.”
White – Innocence and Purity
“I so dearly appreciate your innocence and purity. You’re not like all the dildo employing, ball gag wearing, anal accessorizing people I know. You’ve never had sex with a calzone while shouting in an Italian accent, “Pepperoni for everybody”, nor have you tied mistletoe into your belt loop, worn assless dungarees, or said ‘Looks like all the seats are taken, except this one’ then pointed to your face.”
“You are so chaste and virtuous that whenever I feel like doing something deviant, I call you, and soon all sexual thoughts disappear.”
Purple – Drank
“I bought this rose along with some cough syrup, Sprite, and a Jolly Rancher and I’m getting’ my sizzurp on, y’all! I feel so good, I don’t even miss you! FOR REAL!”
Pink – Gratitude, Grace, and Admiration
“You are the granter of charity and accepter of none. You have always opened your heart and home to me, especially those three times I tried mescaline, and the time I stole a school bus and crashed it into an Arby’s, and when I practiced dentistry without a license, and when I bilked the New York Mets as part of that Ponzi scheme.”
“I will always be in your debt. Speaking of which, can I borrow fifty bucks?”
Black – Animus
“I found a rat nibbling on these in a dumpster. I was going to send you the rat but it ran away. Happy Valentine’s Day.”