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We’re two!

The offices of MMW News Service will be closed today as we celebrate our second anniversary. We want to thank you, our loyal readers, for making this happen.

It’s hard to believe that it’s been two years and four bypasses since I got together at that Applebee’s with a small but scrappy bunch of reporters and talked about taking the unprecedented step of putting news on the internet. And kudos to our senior investigative reporter Emma Wilson who pointed out that the Applebee’s was across the street and we’d been holding our meeting in the showroom of a funeral parlor. The owner was a really nice guy though, even though I’d asked him why our hot wings were taking so long. In fact, Irv’s Last Ride has been one of our biggest advertisers. Stop in today to check out his array of racecar-themed coffins.

We’ll be throwing a party here at our offices; originally, I’d booked us a banquet room at the Luxor Hotel in Las Vegas, but it turns out they wanted money. We were also going to have the event catered, but again, money, so I asked our breaking news reporter Ricardo Suarez to cook something like he’d make back home and he said, “You mean New Jersey?” He’s such a kidder.

Our photographer Ronnie Gray said he’d bring in some booze. Actually, the staff threatened not to come in unless there was alcohol, so I asked Ronnie if he’d swing by that distillery his brother owns and see if they had any factory seconds, you know, the kind of whiskey they sell at the outlet malls. Ronnie looked confused when I asked him to do it, and honestly, he’s been acting really strange since we sent him on that assignment at the federal lab where they were researching parallel dimensions. I also don’t remember him having a beard.

I’m sure we’ll be reminiscing about all of our successes the past couple years, like last October when Maggie Haberman of the New York Times called our office. It was a mis-dial; apparently Kamala Harris’ press secretary’s number is really similar to ours, but despite that we had that phone put under glass and mounted on the wall next to the water heater/snack machine. Or how about the time our landlord gave us a month free rent because of that weevils infestation! (don’t tell them that we’d hired the weevils as proofreaders)

So feel free to stop on by, just make sure to bring food. And some drinks in case Ronnie doesn’t come through. Also people.

Yours in News,

Executive Managing Editor, Ted Turtleson


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