Need to apologize to your father for causing him great worry about your safety, embarrassing the family, or complicating his reelection bid?
Consider buying a pack of greeting cards penned by Hunter Biden, perfect for Father’s Day, arraignment day, or I-passed-out-in-the-bathroom-of-an-Olive-Garden-and-I-lost-my-car-and-my-pants day.
Here’s a preview of the inspirational cover followed by the even more inspirational message inside:
I love you, dad...and I’m not just saying that because I’m in an orange jumpsuit.
You’ve always shown me the way...and pointed out that I can admit to the facts of a gun charge without technically being guilty. Sweet!
I should have told you how much you mean to me...and about that Ukrainian energy company who paid me a lot of money for unclear reasons. My bad!
I just want you to know...that I wrote a tell-all memoir about my cocaine use and hooking up with my late brother’s widow, but don’t worry I’m sure Fox News won’t use this against you.
I just want you to know...that I wrote a tell-all memoir about my cocaine use and hooking up with my late brother’s widow, and I’m sorry that Fox News is using this against you.
I’m so proud of you...can I bring a hooker to the inauguration?