Researcher exploring the link between diabetes and racism

Cambridge, Mass.—Following an ugly incident at an Oklahoma high school girls’ basketball game, Dr. Ron Green is swinging into action. The nation’s leading expert in how medical conditions lead to bigotry has come to a fore once again.

Green read with horror and a professional curiosity about the Oklahoma State Girls’ Basketball Tournament game in which all players from Norman High School—both White and Black—knelt during the Star Spangled Banner before their game against Midwest City. Television announcer and overall swell guy Matt Rowan took umbrage and yelled a racial slur into a microphone he thought was off but actually was not.

Thankfully, Rowan later clarified that the incident was not attributable to privilege, hostility toward others’ right to expression, or latent racism that emerges whenever a Black person does something to upset or threaten White supremacy, but rather due to elevated blood sugar. Rowan explained in a statement that his diabetes was acting up causing him to lash out.

“I do not believe that I would have made such horrible statements absent my sugar spiking,” the statement read.

Rowan did not return a phone call for this story. A woman who answered the phone at his home said, “He just had a bowl of ice cream and this is NOT a good time.”

While most Americans thought that was a laughable and pathetic excuse, Dr. Green said we should not be so quick to dismiss.

“Stonewall Jackson, Jefferson Davis, Robert E Lee; they were all diabetic. I think it’s because of all the sweet tea they drink down there,” Green said. “And Klan robes are white, just like sugar.”

Green, who by legal settlement can say that he works near but not at Harvard Medical School, has authored several papers about how some medical conditions can cause hatred of others. “Rash Rage: The Link Between Eczema and Homophobia”, “Blarney Stoned: Why Drug Addicts Hate the Irish”, and “IBS, U B Evil: Why Sufferers of Irritable-Bowl Syndrome Detest Atheists.”

Those articles were declined by the Journal of the American Medical Association and The New England Journal of Medicine but are available on Dr. Green’s blog: www.GeoCities.com/5986/news/research/DrGreenBlog/I’mNotAQuack/You’reTheQuack

Dr. Stephanie Abraham, a former colleague of Green’s at the Centers for Disease Control, said she remains skeptical of Green’s theories.

“Ronnie’s a nice guy, really. He did some great work on the SARS outbreak while he was here but then he got into these…um, unique theories,” she said. “He ended up retiring, though some say he was fired. Anyway, like I said, he’s a nice guy but his recent work is a little out there.”

So, is there any connection between diabetes and bigotry?

“Oh, is this about that guy in Oklahoma? There’s no link. He just sucks,” Abraham said.

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