People I’d least like to talk to

1. Job, because I’d be afraid I’d reflexively ask “How ya doin’?”

2. The first person to refer to their outfit as an “ensembles”.

3. My cousin Jacoby, because I owe him $20.

4. The chief of police in Hays, Kan. because it would mean I’m in Hays, Kan.

5. Ulysses S Grant, because If I met him, I’d be dead by now.

6. A yeti impersonator.

7. My neighbor because I urinated in their above-ground pool after I thought they’d taken hedge trimmer but then I found it behind my shed where I left it.

8. My nephew Caleb. He’s not a bad guy but we just saw each other last week and, I don’t know I feel like we just talk about what’s new on Netflix, which is fine, but, you know, I don’t need his thoughts on “Tiger King” more than once.

9. A yeti impersonator’s mom; it’d be awkward.

10. Paul McCartney, because he knows I wrote “Lucy in the Sky with Emeralds” and then he changed it and claimed it was his own.


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