1. Job, because I’d be afraid I’d reflexively ask “How ya doin’?”
2. The first person to refer to their outfit as an “ensembles”.
3. My cousin Jacoby, because I owe him $20.
4. The chief of police in Hays, Kan. because it would mean I’m in Hays, Kan.
5. Ulysses S Grant, because If I met him, I’d be dead by now.
6. A yeti impersonator.
7. My neighbor because I urinated in their above-ground pool after I thought they’d taken hedge trimmer but then I found it behind my shed where I left it.
8. My nephew Caleb. He’s not a bad guy but we just saw each other last week and, I don’t know I feel like we just talk about what’s new on Netflix, which is fine, but, you know, I don’t need his thoughts on “Tiger King” more than once.
9. A yeti impersonator’s mom; it’d be awkward.
10. Paul McCartney, because he knows I wrote “Lucy in the Sky with Emeralds” and then he changed it and claimed it was his own.