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New, Improved, and Entirely True (we promise) MacGuffin College Alumni Notes

Got exciting news to share? We’d love to hear it, provided it is true. We realize in recent editions of Mac Times that some were using this space to make “jokes” under phony names. We apologize to anyone who invested in Dr. Seymour Cox’ forehead shrinking cream. We have since learned that Cox, if that is his real name, is not a doctor, nor did he attend MacGuffin College, nor is there an ailment called “Klingon Forehead Syndrome.” Thanks so much to Dr. Mia Jensen (’89 chemistry) for pointing that out. All our great alums are encouraged to send true updates about the careers and lives to our new fact-chcker Adam:

John Mason (’01 finance) I recently watched a re-run of “Key and Peele” and now consider myself woke.

Janet Wilson (’83 marketing) I now realize that six of one, half-dozen of the other are the same.

Jack Jones (’71 biology) After playing golf my whole life, I finally got a hole-in-four.

Son Li Pak (’98 accounting) Was recently promoted from deputy assistant district manager to senior deputy assistant district manager at IntelliCone, the world’s second-largest maker of non-GMO waffle cones.

Jennifer Madison (’96 political science) After months of counseling, I can now say “President Donald Trump” without blacking out.

Chad White (’13 fine arts) Changed my Facebook status to “in a relationship” after first date with Jessica Wills (’14 fine arts).

Bill Turner (’58 chemistry) Finally got the bar cart girl at my country club to laugh at my knock-knock joke about the interrupting cow.

Frank Gardner (’67 finance) That missing 3/16th head from my socket set I wrote about last issue. Found it.

Mark Abramowitz (’99 management) Successfully went the whole night at my high school reunion without anyone suspecting me of arson.

Jessica Wills (’14 fine arts) For the record, Chad whatshisname (’13 or ’14, maybe fine arts?) and I are not in a relationship. We had coffee one time, for like, 10 minutes.

Caden Moore (’18 transportation logistics) Moved out of my mother’s basement and into my father’s basement.

Serena Winslow (’97 history) Went an entire day at work without sighing.

Kevin Thoms (’78 English) I tried brown sugar in my oatmeal, and it was very nice. I had shied away from it because that Rolling Stones song made it sound dirty, but it’s actually pretty good. I’d be willing to try it again. I’m not going to do it every morning, but you know, special occasions.

Roberta Sanchez (’04 nursing) I got one of the doctors at the hospital to admit a mistake. Granted, it was on the crossword in the break room, but still…

Meredith Villarreal (’83 English, ’86 juris doctor) I bought a fidget spinner. It is a lot of fun. I use it at work, like last week when I was prosecuting a war criminal at The Hague; I got it out during a recess. Opposing counsel was impressed how fast I could get it to go.

Roman Greene (’92 agribusiness) Stopped wearing sports jackets after my daughter said I was “too cis male.”

William Seacrest (’87 library science) I recently picked up the guitar, but it wasn’t mine.

Chad White (’13 fine arts) Changed Facebook status to “it’s complicated.”


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