Just headlines

For the on-the-go reader, MMW News Service gives you headlines for stories we were too tired to write:


Older man likes wearing brown pants because…well, you know.


Child disappointed with caramel vis-à-vis plain popcorn in birthday tin.


Nebraska Tourism board meeting canceled for the 113th year in a row.


Trump proposes health insurance plan that covers diseases only good people get.


Chuck E Cheese executives stunned their shitty, rodent-themed pizza led the company to bankruptcy.


Cat defeats bottle cap, moves on to face laser pointer in the final.


Covid-17 ashamed at what younger brother has become.


Tailgaters say empty Milwaukee’s Best cases are good place to take a shit.


Bring your kid to work day goes horribly wrong at federal prison.


Kansas football plays home game to no fans, again. “Honestly, we didn’t notice,” coach says.


“Back of an El Camino” voted third strangest place to buy insurance.


NHL playoffs continue…no really.


Evel Knievel’s motorcycle’s tell-all autobiography stuns America. “We were lovers, and I was on steroids,” bike claims.


E-catheters a real game-changer.


Lindsey Graham’s “use my words against me” quote again comes back to haunt after 1992 tape surfaces of him praising Billy Ray Cyrus. “Achy Breaky Heart will never get old.”

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