“How many Toby Keith songs can you sing?” and other questions Georgia election officials can ask

Atlanta, Ga.—Following up on their highly successful voting reform bill, the Georgia Legislature passed a second bill Monday that would allow election officials to ask additional questions of voters.

“You never can be too sure,” Gov. Brian Kemp said. “It’s a good list of questions. I picked some of them myself.”

Kemp then said that the questions would be kept secret so phony voters could not study in advance. MMW News Network, however, has obtained a leaked copy of the document distributed to election officials:

Should a voter be unable to present a photo ID at the poll on election day, or just looks a little shady, you can ask any or all of the following questions to determine if they are a legitimate voter. The correct answer should be obvious unless otherwise noted.

1. Have you ever fallen asleep while watching golf?


2. Which is better for hunting deer, a shotgun or a rifle?


3. Do you unironically attend the state fair?


4. Which is better, Ford or Chevy? (Note to poll worker: Either answer is acceptable as long as the voter has a strong opinion)


5. Have you ever said to a DMV employee, “Hey, let’s get this line moving!”


6. Do you still listen to Kenny Loggins?


7. Which is regarded as the first hip hop song “The Message” by Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five or “Rapper’s Delight” by the Sugar Hill Gang? (Note: this is a trick question because the correct answer is “How they hell would I know that?”)


8. Do you think Ross should have ended up with Rachel?


9. Did you have a crush on Molly Ringwald? (Note: only ask this of men born between 1966-1974)


10. Have you ever yelled at a barista because there wasn’t enough whipped cream in your triple mocha Frappuccino?


11. Is Tom Cruise still a believable action hero at 58?


12. What are the monthly dues at your country club? (Note: any answer greater than zero is acceptable)


13. Is this the first time you’ve been questioned by a poll worker?

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