Need to take out someone but can’t find the time? Want to put someone in the ground but don’t want all the legal hassles? Tired of being scammed by websites like Rent A Hitman that turn out to be fronts for law enforcement? Then you’re in good company because we here at Totally Legit Assassins will meet your bloodthirsty needs and your budget!
We’ve been doing dirty deeds since 1987 and offer a full line of services. We’re there with you from soup to nuts, helping you pick out the date, time, and method for your unspeakable act. We also offer an array of disposal services, from backyard burial to enviro-friendly options like dropping the deceased over the artic so polar bears displaced by climate change can finally get something to eat.
And best of all, we’re not at all a phony corporation set up by the FBI to catch the overly hostile and profoundly stupid of society. Don’t believe us? Just check out these customer reviews:
I used TLA’s buy-one-get-a-second-killing-at-half-price offer when I found my husband in bed with our realtor. Let’s just say they picked out a new “home” near that ravine.
Wendy in Ohio
Opponents of regime make too much talking. Now not problem.
Vlad in Moscow
I hired TLA to kill my daughter’s cheer coach after my daughter was passed over for team captain. The next day I started having second thoughts. I thought about how society has devalued life, commodified death, and poisoned the human condition. I realized that I was part of the problem. Had I become so desensitized to violence that I would consider such barbarism? How did I place so much meaning in the ultimately meaningless while overlooking the humanity the coach shared with me? I begged TLA to call it off, and they not only didn’t go through with it but they gave me a full refund (minus the cost of the explosives).
Melinda in Indiana
If I were a perpetrator seeking to commit felony manslaughter, I would definitely hire Totally Legit Assassins.
Brad, who is not an FBI agent, in an undisclosed location
So what are you waiting for? Put someone away with TLA today! Contact us at our website: www.tla.com/FBI/you/are/being/recorded/and/will/be/arrested. And remember, if someone has wronged you, TLA will make it A-OK!