Four-thirds of Americans struggle with fractions

The General Social Survey released the results of its annual poll Monday. This year’s results provided insight into where Americans stand on a variety of issues. Some highlights:


· Forty-six percent of Americans hoped the wayward Chinese rocket would land on Nancy Pelosi while 43 percent wanted it to fall on Mar-a-Lago. Eight percent said “Where nobody would be hurt” causing 73 percent of the previous respondents to feel bad, but only kinda.


· Living together before marriage has gained approval over the years, and now stands at 20 percent. Sixty-seven percent said people should not live together before marriage and 0.000001 percent said “Jake, when I said ‘Those dungarees look like clown pants’ I didn’t mean it. Please come home.”


· Chess has never been more popular, thanks largely to the Netflix series “The Queen’s Gambit.” Thirty-three percent of Americans have played a game in the past year, while 11 percent said “Is chess the one where those hippos eat a lot?”


· One-hundred eight percent of Americans reported that they’re bad at math.


· Twelve percent of those who voted for Donald Trump in 2016 said they regretted, 77 percent said it was a great decision, and 8 percent said “Why do you want to know? Are you in the deep state? My God, honey get in the bunker they’ve got a Jewish space laser!”


· Pandemic-related questions: Did you try making sourdough bread (67%). Did it taste like shit (96%). During a Zoom meeting, di…av…oblem…nection (100%). Did you develop a hole in your sweatpants from too much sitting (43%). Did the raccoons that keep getting in your trash become friends (18%).


· Protestantism declined to its lowest level since 1972 (23%) while worshiping Michael B Jordan’s abs rose to an all-time high of 17 percent.


· Did you lie about readng Ibram X Kendi’s “How to be an Anti-Racist” (78%)


· Which was the most bat-shit crazy reality TV show of 2020, “Tiger King” or Joe Biden and Donald Trump’s first debate (50-50 tie).


· When the GSS surveyor called, did you stay on the line longer than expected, just to have someone to talk to (45%). And if you were into it, can we crash at your place (27%).

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