U.S. captures Norway’s king after Olympics insult

Moments after the closing ceremonies of the 2026 Winter Olympics, the United States captured King Harald V of Norway and took him to New York where he will stand trial for orchestrating a premeditated plan for Norway to win more medals that the U.S.

“First they take away My Nobel, now This!” President Donald Trump posted on Truth Social. “That does it! We’re going to run Norway until they give us all their metals (sic).”

Norway finished the Games with 41 medals, most of any country. The United States was second with 33. Norway also earned the most gold medals – 18 – compared to America’s 12.

Earlier in the day, Trump attempted to get the president of the International Olympic Committee, Kirsty Coventry, to overturn the results.

“Look, Corkie, we need you to fix this. There’s no way we lost to Norway. Everybody said we won, I mean, everyone. You ever been to Oslo? You can’t get a good steak there; worst steaks in the world! All they have it whale blubber, and it’s cold, cold, cold, even in the summer. I mean, even the hookers are ugos,” the president said. “So, there’s no way we lost to them. Just say you recalculated and found nine more medals for America. That’s all you have to do!”

Coventry rebuffed the president several times, then pretended to have the call drop.

“Sorry, Mr. President. I’m going into a tunnel…I…no…losing…” she said.

After that, Trump enacted Plan B – capturing the ceremonial head of Norway. The actual head of government, Prime Minister Jonas Gahr Store, remains at large. He was in Milano, Italy for the Olympics, but his planned flight back to Oslo was changed to protect him. His whereabouts remain unknown.

Store, however, was reached by a New York Times reporter Sunday evening.

“This is a shocking aggression and it will not stand,” Store said. “Also, I’m the true leader of Norway and not that ... How do you say in English, ‘old goat’?”

Trump acted confused about the difference between Store and Harald V despite having met Store on several occasions.

“He and I have talked six times,” Store said. “Four of them were about me giving him the Nobel, another was to ask us if we’d sell our oil and mineral rights – I lied and said we didn’t have any – and the other time was to ask if we’d hide away Jeffery Epstein. ‘Just put him in some ice cave’ your president said.”

Trump said the Scandinavian nation had 48 hours to give up their Olympic medals or the U.S. would invade and take over.

“America has gotten MUCH bigger since I became President!” Trump posted online. “We’ve added three new states Venezuela, Greenland (soon), and Norway (if they don’t play nice), and next week, We’re invading Iran! You’re welcome, America!”