Fall TV Lineup

A new era of prestige television is upon us as the fall season begins this week. A look at some of the best new shows on the small screen:

Who Wants to Behead a Millionaire? (ABC, Thursdays, 8pm)

Income inequality has never had an avenging force quite like the K-Squad: a group of Keynesian economists turned vigilantes. Led by Dr. Preston Treblehorn, played by hot newcomer Tucker McGrew (people say he looks like a young Channing Tatum if you take your glasses off), this ax-wielding, theory-spouting gang right the wrongs of unfettered capitalism one chop at a time.

Treblehorn’s catch phrase “Strong government intervention in the economy would help level the playing field, but for now, I’m gonna level you!” is sure to sweep the nation.

(Parental advisories: Violence, language, prolonged discussions of the inadequacy of the Laffer Curve)

Make America Love Again (CBS, Tuesdays, 7pm)

What happens when Cora, a 38-year-old recently divorced sociology professor who voted for Bernie Sanders, is put with Jake, a 36-year-old cable installer who voted for Donald Trump – or at least would have had he known you have to register in advance – in a one-bedroom apartment?

Arguments! Sexual tension! And maybe just a bit of understanding.

“I always figured them liberal women were just a bunch of lesbos, but Cora, I mean, sometimes she makes me think about how women have been treated bad by us guys and … yeah,” Jake says in Episode 3. “I still think she’s got some jacked-up ideas about cops and taxes, but deep inside, I think she’s alright.”

“I was deeply hesitant about doing this show, but with all the threats to higher ed, I figured this would be easy money,” Cora says in Episode 4. “I figured Jake was just one of these Neanderthals in a red cap but then he fixed the oven in about five minutes and I realized that that’s a skillset demanding intellect. Maybe guys like Jake are right to feel unseen. He also (expletive deleted) better than my ex, so that’s a plus.”

(Parental advisories: Sexual situations, language, rampant use of the phrase “You’re what’s wrong with America!”)

Jardiance: The Musical! (Fox, Mondays, 6pm)

That infectious 30-second song about the little pill with a big story to tell is stretched into 22 hourlong episodes this fall! Follow the adventures of Pam, a woman balancing her love life, career, and blood-sugar level. Off-Broadway understudy Aimee Middleton soars as Pam, bringing her incredible vocal range to the sultry “But I really want this muffin”, the rockin’ “1, 2, 3 little finger pricks”, and the soul-bearing “Sugar, How Could you?”

Side-effects of watching include toe tapping, sing-alongs, and diarrhea.

(Parental advisories: Language and the potential trivialization of a disease that affects millions of people)

The Late Show (CBS, nightly, 11:30 pm)

Stephen Colbert is replaced my Tik Tok sensation, Rizzy, and his ChatGPT-written jokes. “What do I get when I talk to Siri and Alexa? A restraining order!” and then a cartoon monkey named Buh Bongo plays a rim shot with his disproportionately large phallus.

(Parental advisories: The realization that the world you once knew is gone)

Skins (NBC, Wednesdays, 9 pm)

The great fabric shortage of 2030 has forced men to go shirtless. Starring Chris Pine,

Michael B Jordan, Chris Pratt, and that one guy from “The Bear”, four men living in Manhattan try to make their way in the world with a limited wardrobe.

“I made this great presentation, but the women in the office just didn’t take me seriously,” Pratt’s character, Sammy, says. “What the hell am I supposed to do? The government won’t let us wear anything above the waist now that all the cotton is gone!”

“I hear ya,” responds Jordan’s, Clarke. “But your pecs are really cut today.”

“Thanks, bro,” Sammy says, tearing up.

(Parental advisories: Adult themes in every scene, likely causing adolescent girls, and some boys, to ponder fornication for the first time. Also a real bummer for middle-aged men watching with their “I said no talking” wives.)  

Jackass Forever (MTV, nightly, 8 pm, 10 pm, and again at midnight)

Johnny Knoxville returns to his finest role and explores what it’s like to be a risk-taking daredevil in his 50s. Marvel as he eats an entire plate of tacos without taking Prevacid; amaze at how he sleeps an entire night on his side without a pillow between his knees; gasp as he drives a BMW down an interstate, at night, without his state-mandated progressive lenses; and watch, if you dare, as his teenage son tries to explain how to send a voice note.

“It’s not, like, just a voicemail?”

“DAD!?” his disgusted son replies.

(Language, peril, and an alarming number of ads from Polyp Slayer, America’s leading brand of colorectal screening devices)