top of page

I am not worried about Joe Biden

By A Democrat who is totally relaxed and confident about November

I watched Thursday’s debate between President Joe Biden and that other guy, and I really don’t know what all the fuss is about. I thought the president did very well, like when he talked about the trimesters of pregnancy – I forget what they were but some involved the state, some involved a doctor, and I think another included sea salt and oregano. And how about when he said “We finally beat Medicare!” That’s a bold stance that no politician has ever taken!

Or how he stood there, slack-jawed, while Trump said Democrats want to allow post-birth abortions or that hundreds of thousands of Americans have been murdered by undocumented immigrants. Biden could have quickly said, “There were only 18,450 murders in the U.S. last year, according to the Census Bureau” or “You can’t name one Democrat who has proposed allowing abortions after birth. You just made that up because you are a chronic liar who spews bullshit at an unprecedented rate.” But instead, he wisely just let it go so he could focus on clearing his throat. That’ll play really well on Tik Tok.

And that part where he argued with Trump about who was the better golfer! What a great way to sound young. I’m sure all the Gen Zers out there can relate.

And all my friends thought so, too. During the debate we were texting about how well it was going, and I didn’t see anyone type words like “Turdfest” or use phrases like “God help us” or “Anybody know someone with a spare bedroom in Canada?” Nor did I turn it off after an hour and curl up in on the living room floor with the Bert and Ernie blanket I had as a child while whispering “None of this is real, the beasts are all in your head.”

Nope, didn’t do that, in fact, it’s strange that I even brought it up just now. This blanket is really soft though, in fact, it’s so soft my teeth marks from Thurs…I mean, my youth, are still visible. So I’m fine, really. I’m just going to stay here under my blankie for just a little longer…for normal reasons.



bottom of page